2012 Election Edition - Issue VIII

Leave My Vagina Alone!
Author: Shirley Rivera

I don’t understand how conservatives’ normal mantra of “get the government out of my life” fits their obsession with my vagina.  I mean in Virginia for example, the Republican legislature wanted to force women there, who sought an abortion, to undergo a procedure called “trans-vaginal ultrasound”, which basically is sex in itself because they use an apparatus to go way up in there.  I can see perved-out doctors lining up to get these cases assigned to them so they can take what basically looks like a giant dildo, lube it up and stir it all around in women’s vaginas as ordered by State law to do.  How nice for them.

So get the government away from regulating Wall Street crooks, environmental polluters and tax evaders, but use the government to order doctors to fuck me, again, because I am considering an abortion?  Jesus Cristo!  And that law proposal is not just in Virginia, anywhere the Republicans are in charge it’s the same way.  Another one they are promising to make law and which in fact was co-authored by Mitt Romney’s Vice-Presidential pick, Paul Ryan, was to make an egg that got rained on and successfully fertilized, yes I mean conception, the absolute beginning of a person and thus grant that egg the right not to be “murdered”.  That’s right, all of those “oops” moments happening around our great Nation as we speak, would become potential crimes for anyone involved in trying to take “care” of it.

What about those moments that are not “oops” moments, but instead a pregnancy that results from being raped.  Well they thought of that too, and the previously mentioned co-author of Paul Ryan, Todd Akin, is the dumbshit asshole who on a television interview stated that if a woman was “legitimately” raped, that her uterus would know that the sperm swimming in there was from a rapist and reject it, so that she could not get pregnant.  Close your mouth, he did say it and even though he apologized for it the next day, and the Republican party claimed not to know who he was, he probably does actually believe it and the Republican Party also had a change of heart and is now backing him for Senator from Missouri.  I’m done.